We need to communicate our feelings and fears—and our partner needs to be able to listen while showing us empathy and acceptance. First published in , The Five Love Languages continues to be a highly recommended relationship self-help book. The idea being, we may be showing our partner love regularly, just not in the way they want to receive love. If we are hurting in our relationships, focusing on our differences can really keep us stuck. I like to look deeper than our differences—finding the similarities and commonalities that keep us connected. Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch are all wonderful ways to show love—most of us enjoy a mixture of these love languages in our relationship.
The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition
In college I had a sort-of boyfriend whose affection I wanted very badly. When I came down with a bronchial infection, I saw it as a heaven-sent opportunity for us to finally really connect. Lying on the futon-mattress-on-the-floor which was my bed, I might as well have been rubbing my hands together in anticipation of how he would care for me.
Through that care, our love would blossom. I could already taste the chicken soup. When I called him and asked, sickly-yet-cutely, if he could bring me some soup, he seemed confused by the request.
Well, the idea behind the five love languages is pretty much the same. Words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch are all.
I love my pet, I love pizza, I love my grandmother, I love that shirt I bought on clearance. Some people fear that a liberal use of the word love can take away from its meaning as it applies to interpersonal relationships. Others believe that you should tell someone that you love them as often as you feel it. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our [partner] does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language.
So, what are the five love languages, and how do you know what your primary love language is? It is likely that your primary love language will be connected to how love was expressed in your family of origin. Being able to express to your partner how you prefer to be shown love can increase your ability to feel loved and appreciated in your relationship. Also, knowing more about the five love languages can help you to notice the ways that your partner is showing their love for you, even if they are not speaking your primary love language.
Each love language can be expressed in a variety of different ways. Physical touch could mean holding hands, giving a hug hello or goodbye, sitting in close to each other when watching TV, or sitting side-by-side when eating in a restaurant. Once you have an idea of what your primary love language is, you can start to correlate that to your relationship.
What Are the Five Love Languages?
The author, Gary Chapman, based his theory that everyone has a primary love language that is, a category of behaviors that they most immediately associate with affection on his own observations as a counselor. Enumerated in the book and now well known to millions, the five love languages are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, and words of affirmation. Some would be jokes: Brunch is my love language. Downtempo experimental bass is my love language.
Q: Gary, how long would you recommend dating before considering marriage? However, like most couples, spending money on a babysitter and the date itself.
Q : Gary, my girlfriend just told me that God spoke to her and said that I was to be her husband. What do I do? Gary : Well maybe God spoke to her, or maybe she just had pizza for dinner last night. Another factor may be timing. But if you continue developing the relationship, 6 months from now, you may also agree that God is leading you into this relationship. So give it time. Q : Gary, how long would you recommend dating before considering marriage? I do think you need to give it significant time, however.
This book is, essentially, the same as the original The Five Love Languages. Some of the examples are more fitting for unmarried folk and the illustrations also deal with different singles or dating couples he has come across throughout the years. Different chapters deal with how to love friends, roommates, coworkers, family members, siblings, and other relationships outside of romantic ones. Those chapters are mainly what distinguish this book from it’s predecessor. The main issue I had with the content of this book was how much of it dealt with dating couples.
While this isn’t a bad thing, I had thought with the title of “Singles Edition,” this book would have been more for those who are not currently involved in a romantic relationship.
Dating & Relationships. with Juan Santos, M.S., CRC, LPC. About the Blog What Are The 5 Love Languages For Couples. By Juan Santos.
I’ve never considered myself someone who cares about material things, so I was surprised to recently learn from the Love Languages Quiz that my love language is “Receiving Gifts. So, even if you don’t really care what objects you possess, your love language is gifts if you like me feel most loved when someone gives you one. By understanding our own and our partners’ love languages , you can gain a lot of valuable information, like how to solve problems and which dates work best for us.
Knowing your love language really can help you make more informed decisions in your relationship. Maybe, for example, you’re feeling like your partner doesn’t show you enough attention, but they say they’re always asking you questions. If your love language is touch, you may need more physical affection to feel acknowledged. Once each of you figures out what the other needs, you can start giving these things to each other.
If you or your partner responds best to loving words, play a version of karaoke where you both rewrite the lyrics to songs to tell the story of your relationship.
5 Love Languages – Free Test for Couples!
Subscriber Account active since. If you haven’t said or heard some version of that last line, you won’t get much out of this post. You might just want to check this out instead. The “bring me flowers without me asking” is the classic version of a communication issue that most, if not all, couples encounter:. Yep, love languages are a thing there are five of them and understanding what your primary love language is can be as helpful as the name is cheesy.
All couples have to face problems at some point in their relationship. Here you’ll find tips on how we used the 5 Love Languages to fix our relationship. When Gabriel and I started dating, he really swept me off my feet.
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About a year ago, I put together something called Love Talks for Couples , which is a little flip chart with a different question on each page. These are the kinds of questions that I think would work well on a date night. You can see these questions can lead to many different directions. None of these are designed to get a couple into an argument. They are questions to reveal themselves to each other. And there are lots more questions.
Here are The 5 Love Languages. Physical touch; Quality time; Words of affirmation; Acts of service; Gifts. Turns out there are more languages.
Getting to know your partner in a romantic relationship is a long process which requires lots of patience and empathy. Well, the idea behind the five love languages is pretty much the same. Words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch are all different acts of expressing and feeling love.
Understanding the difference between them can dramatically improve your relationship. According to the theory, every person has one primary and one secondary love language. After the test you will find out:. It could influence the way you choose your answers in the love language test. However, like most people, you probably already know those five languages, and you might even assume which is your primary.
How to Use 5 Love Languages to Fix Your Relationship
This book is designed to help you do both of these things effectively. Although originally crafted with married couples in mind, the love languages have proven themselves to be universal, whether in dating relationships or with parents, coworkers, or friends. The premise is simple: Different people with different personalities express love in different ways.
Therefore, if you want to give and receive love most effectively, you’ve got to learn to speak the right language. Enter your mobile number or email address below and we’ll send you a link to download the free Kindle App.
A pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, Chapman had been counseling couples for years, and he had recently.
Further, the American divorce rate has doubled since As Dr. After years as a family counselor, he developed a system to effectively communicate love to the people closest to us. In it, Chapman acknowledges that while falling in love is easy, staying in love takes work. And he provides a simple map to better expressing love exactly as the recipient needs. He recently appeared on the Do Gooders Podcast , excerpted here, to explore the five love languages and offers tips for better living in each one with our spouses, children and even at work.
You know, I think because it deals with the deep emotional need that all of us have to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. And what it does, it helps us effectively communicate love in a manner, or a language that the other person will genuinely feel loved. I mean, we were next door to divorce and someone gave us a copy.